The Bureaucrat of Delayistan — Mr. File Singh
Written by Faraz Parvez (pen name of Prof. Dr. Arshad Afzal)
In the grand Republic of Delayistan, where speed is a sin and urgency is considered a Western conspiracy, lives a man so powerful, so legendary, that even time stops to wait for his approval.
Enter Mr. File Singh—an officer of such grace, such lethargy, and such unmatched dedication to doing nothing swiftly, that he’s become an institution in himself. Dressed in a safari suit the color of ancient files, with pens like medals on his chest, and eyes that scan faster than any biometric system (only when someone slips a gift under the table), File Singh is the master of the art of stagnation.
Every morning, he arrives precisely two hours late, blesses his chair with a sigh, and begins his yoga of avoidance. Files that scream “urgent” are sent on a nationwide tour—from the top drawer to the bottom shelf, then from Room No. 7 to 17 and back—until they return to their origin, exhausted and ready to give up.
“Public service,” says Mr. File Singh, puffing on his bureaucratic wisdom, “is not about quickness, it’s about correctness—and correctness takes time… and chai.”
He once delayed a passport so long the applicant became a monk and lost interest in traveling. When confronted by a desperate widow for her pension, he nodded sympathetically and said, “We are processing it with love and heritage.”
Despite several technology upgrades, File Singh has successfully resisted all forms of automation. He believes computers are too fast, too honest, and worst of all—don’t drink tea. Once asked about e-governance, he quipped, “Email? No, no, I prefer E-Maila — Everything Must Arrive Late Always.”
He walks with the confidence of a man who knows that the entire ministry is dependent on his signature, and that signature only flows when the stars align or the wallet glows.
His cabin is a temple of dust and delay, with sacred idols of cobwebs and sacred cows of “pending approval.” Yet, year after year, his performance reports are spotless. After all, nobody wants to risk losing access to the Gatekeeper of No Progress.
Mr. File Singh is not a man. He is a mood, a movement, and perhaps the unofficial National Mascot of Red Tape. And while nations rise and fall, deadlines come and go—Mr. Singh shall remain… reviewing… reconsidering… relishing the slow decay of hope.
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Stay tuned to farazparvez1.blogspot.com
— the literary space where satire meets substance, and laughter wraps truth in velvet words.
Follow for more sharp caricatures, thought-provoking fiction, and literary fireballs!
What is a Caricature in Literature?
A caricature is a literary or artistic portrayal where certain features, behaviors, or ideas of a person or system are exaggerated for comic effect, criticism, or satirical insight. Caricatures often hold up a mirror to society, power, or institutions—mocking their absurdities in a way that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.
From Charles Dickens’s Mr. Micawber to Molière’s Tartuffe, caricatures have been a powerful tool to expose flaws while keeping the reader smiling. In our age of chaos and contradiction, caricature reminds us that laughter is still the sharpest sword.
